Thank God for Artists

I have returned! Since it is glorious Fat Tuesday, my new Lenten vow is to post some damn more. And since Uncanny X-Men wishes to become my new enemy, it's time to DivaSparkle! this hot freakin' mess.

OBSERVE THE IMAGE!



"Thank God for Artists." I have edited this image to exemplify exactly how Uncanny X-Men truly is, because this cover as-is -- including Dazzler and Pixie -- simply does not reflect the truth.

Short point: Matt Fraction can't write female characters for beans, and more to this short point, he seems as though he has no interest in doing so. So what does Marvel do with their one comic property that is well known for its women? Why insert them into random covers and promo art, of course!

Fuck that. Fuck it, fuck it hard, fuck it raw, and fuck it until it begs for you to stop the pain.

Uncanny X-Men has been nothing more than a circle-jerk male fantasy escape, wherein the biggest concern for the women is "OMG DOES CYCLOPS WANT TO BANG ME?! CIRCLE ONE: Y/N!!!" We get it, Marvel. The one-eyed monster known as Cyclops (FREUD!) is the king of his domain (SEINFELD!) and rules all the X-Concubines beneath him (COMICS!). Can we stop with this fuckery yet, or must we constantly get the fan-teases of all the beautiful X-Women on the X-Plantation that "someday they'll do something relevant!" while all we get is the constant Emma Frost/Cyclops babymama drama?

I'm at the brink with this. The X-Franchise was built upon "Claremazons" -- the "supra-powerful woman" -- and that's where its popularity lies. But NuMarvel has since decided that the true way of the future (and sales!) is letting all pimply-faced boys in their parents' basements understand:

- If you ever feel as though you are a hideous cat-like freak of nature, you will be an invaluable asset and be included in every decision-making process because of your superior intellect (BEAST).

- If you are acquaintances with a 'roided-up Slavic muscle queen, you have no worries: he will be too busy banging underage "good Jewish girls" while saving nubile blond women from horrible sexual exploitation (irony, thy name is COLOSSUS). And if you are said 'roid-queen? Then you score that hot, dirty, risque poon-pie.

- If you are a handicapped dork with a teenaged nickname like "Slim" you will one day become the premier tactical mind of your peers, proving to be an invaluable asset, and make all busty women silently sitting in the background follow your every command (CYCLOPS).

- If you have a wealthy, attractive, successful friend, he will never use his means of finances to take advantage of you or use it to score hot chicks. No. He's content being your neverending ATM, as he allows you to use him for his vast wealth (ANGEL).

- If you know a strong, successful woman who founded many of her own institutions and once had her own legion of followers, you will one day tame her as her personality slowly gravitates exclusively around your own orbit as she simultaneously wears less and less clothing (EMMA FROST).

- If you know a strong, successful, independent woman who did not get sucked in as the example above, that bitch will just sit in the background and wait for your divine hand to instruct her (STORM, DAZZLER, KARMA, ANYONE ELSE).

Capice?

Uncanny has rather quickly devolved into everything stereotypically wrong with comics on a gender scale. It's annoying, it's juvenile, it's without any redeeming entertainment and merit. Women no longer exist in the universe of Uncanny X-Men, unless they are the fawning playthings of the nerdy male fantasy ideal.

Unless an artist draws them in in a promo piece doing something important.

Thank God for artists. At least they try.