Peter David is Elegant.

Did you ever hear of "Scans Daily"?

I had. Peter David -- writer of (ugh~! FIE!) LONGSHOT!!!! -- had not. An old man that bitches about the evils of the Internet acknowledges he didn't know about a part of it. Color me seven shades of dazzled.

Oh, PAD. You put the "ass" in "class." Your glamor shines down from the heavens, basking the shrinking, male-centric comic world in your divine, heavenly light. I feel a slight tingle every time you abuse your keyboard, driving your special brand of back-handed snark gently blended with sweet reveries of my eternal Catholic guilt. There is no cross too small upon which you can crucify yourself, whining about the terrible, God-awful, tragic force of the Internet.

I care not about the demise of Scans Daily. Scans Daily was way too much for me to ever process. There were like, a billion links and comments and all sorts of shit that made it all so confusing for my simple mind. And they'd talk about comics, like, for srs. Was Lois London ever featured on Scans Daily? I dunno; if she was then this would be a crime of the highest order, but truly? I care not, for I am not invested. Blind eye and all that.

But what I care more about is Peter David's special brand of egotistical "O' WOE AM I! THE OPPRESSED (you just know he would make the "ed" it's own syllable in over-dramatic fashion) ARTISTE!" disguised as a "very serious debate" about the "very serious matter" of copyright infringement!!!!11!

Nah, it's not about copyright. It's about PAD wanting to use whatever argument he can find to make sure everyone understands his greatness. Silence the criticisms! Silence! Everyone is just so critical! Internet fans are terrible! Internet fans are destroying sales on my books! Internet fans destroy the magic!

Yeah, and the fucking Nintendo DS, cell phones, PDAs, blackberries, and iPods also have destroyed the magic and wonder of community events, family game nights, children frolicking through the forests, and dinners 'round the dining room table, too. The Net is here, it's queer, get used to it, PAD. I'm sure somewhere on the vile internet you can find "fan art" of the Multiple Man gang-banging Siryn, too. DID YOU KNOW? ALERT THE LEGAL TEAMS!

So now the discussion has warped into "Copyright Infringement" and PAD's "I didn't do anything! Oh, fine! Make me a scapegoat." Put a pie in it, PAD.

Let's look at PAD's history of elegance about how Internet fans DESTROY HIS GREATNESS!:

--- On "Detailed, wonky summaries RUINING THE JOY! instead of basically being tl;dr":

Because every single reader deserves to enjoy the story in the way it's intended.

You don't understand: This has far less to do with sales than it does with simple enjoyment.

Let me put it to you another way:

Did someone ever ask you to tell them about something that happened to someone else, and you demurred by saying, "It's not my story to tell."

X-Factor #39, 40, 41...it's not your story to tell. It's your story to enjoy. That's what your money buys you. It's your story to enjoy. Every one of those few hundred or few thousand, it's their story to enjoy.

It's MY story to tell. And, no offense, but the odds are spectacular that I'm going to tell it better than you will, because that's what I'm paid to do. So I would really, really like everyone who pays their hard-earned money to get their money's worth through a story told to the best of MY ability, not to the best of the ability of a guy signing himself Skippy123. Because I think that anyone who buys comics these days deserves the best I have to offer.

And if someone has a problem with that--if you think it elitist or snotty or benighted or what have you--I totally understand. Me...I just think it's simple, common courtesy.

PAD

--- On "Detailed, wonky summaries (all text) now being a BREACH OF COPYRIGHT!!!1":


That's as may be. But it was also a site where people said, "This happened, and then this happened, and then this happened, and oh my God, this happened at the end," complete with reproduction of same that were far in excess of fair use.

That's not a review.

--- An engaging tete-a-tete in which someone criticizing PAD on the internet is JUST RUDE!!! Teardrops!:

Random Commenter: "Which is really unfortunate. As others have noted, that community has mostly been a place to celebrate and discuss comics, including your own (dear lord, but they love YOUNG JUSTICE)"

Elegant PAD: That's interesting. The only person who spoke to me about YJ was a woman who couldn't say enough nasty things about it, and repeatedly stated that it was proof that I was dismissive of teenagers and knew nothing about them. She also said the addition of the girls was merely an afterthought and that my treatment of the boys never rose above the level of Beavis and Butthead.

Perhaps I wandered into the bizarre Scans community.

PAD

--- On "Internet critics ruining his art by misrepresenting its inherent greatness!"

The thing that's really killing [writers and the comic industry] are biased and inaccurate summaries that make the stories sound as unappealing as possible. There are times where I literally don't recognize the story I wrote. And fans then treat such crappy summaries as if they're accurate and render judgment on the issue without having read a single panel.

--- And now, the goup de grace: "I DID NO WRONG! But fine! PERSECUTE ME!" Lolz!!!!:

Well, again, I think the fans who posted links to [Scans Daily] on other websites had far more to do with it [being shut down]. But I've little doubt I'll take the hit regardless of the reality.

~!~!~!~!~!END OF PAD'S ELEGANT QUOTES~!


CONCLUSIONS: Peter David is little more than someone with an ego as quick to bruise as a rotten apple. Climbing upon his mighty cross, PAD speaks for the "unspoken masses" (translation: imaginary persons) whom he defends from the horrors that are detailed summaries, random page scans, and harsh!!! internet critics that "kill [him] with biased and inaccurate summaries". LOL! OH MY SPLEEN!

But instead of calling him to task on his bullshit, people are feeding into his martyr-complex with formalities such as "Mr. David, please understand..." or "I would really like to convey..." or "Perchance I may be allowed the privilege of sniffing your ass to acquire a gentle, elegant high from thine Holy fumes."

Just as PAD the Elegant wants to cry on about the intolerable cruelty of Internet critics STEALING HIS WORK and MIS-REPRESENTING HIS STORIES or RUINING THEM FOR THE VAST IMAGINARY POPULACE OF INTERNET POSTERS WHO DO NOT WANT ANY DETAILS ABOUT AN ISSUE OF A SERIAL COMIC, said "Internet Critics" should flip the deck and cry on about the intolerable cruelty of Peter David being a massive, petulant blowhard who cannot grasp the fundamentals of the Internet age.

That's what this is about. Not copyright.

Peter David is Elegant. And adding Longshot to X-Factor was brilliant. No, really. I enjoyed it just as you intended me to: by droppin' yo damn book.